Thought Over Thought

Here I am in this state again
With the feeling of discontent
Not in a way that you might think
Rather a way in which certain events
Run through my head over and over
With a feeling that I did something wrong
That I could have done things differently

Just a slight change of behavior
Towards me, towards others
Causes me panic, anxiety
And it goes over and over in my head
The things I did before that may have caused it
I want to move ahead and get rid of the past
But every time i muster the strength
I am afraid
Afraid of rejection, to be brushed off

I tighten my grip to the thought
That there might be another reason
Why things have caused
Making a lot of excuses
Hoping to prove
What I am scared of is wrong
Even though everyday
It is there to scare me!

- Nirmohi